I’m employing a new therapy with Mihiretu. Like most adopted kids, particularly
those who found their new families after infancy, Mihiretu has attachment
issues. It plays out in all kinds
of ways, most of all behaviorally.
He is an incredible person, but often it feels like we’re living with a
gleeful poltergeist. He destroys
homework, he hides favorite stuffed animals, he throws his dirty underwear up
onto the ceiling fan.
We’ve addressed this with many different therapies;
psychotherapy, medication, OT. This
new approach is all about attachment, only about attachment. The hope is once he feels securely
attached the negative attention-seeking behaviors will evaporate.
In the meantime, by the request of our therapist, Mihiretu
is living full-time with me. This
therapist believes that a secure attachment begins with the mother.
I’m not a selfless person. Really at all.
I’m pretty selfish, actually.
Vain, opinionated, pleasure-seeking. Maybe to compensate for this basic nature, I’ve put myself
into a position where I must be selfless.
Three kids, the youngest of which demands PhD-level parenting. Really, now that I’m here, now that I’m
in the situation that I set up for myself, the most selfish thing I can do is
turn this kid around. Otherwise
he’ll torture me for the rest of my life in bigger and bigger ways. And yes, of course, I adore him. I want him to have a happy and healthy
life. I want that for all my kids
and this current path seems the only way to that end.
The therapy is intense. I’m changing my behavior with Mihiretu, neutralizing the
negative attachment so we can form a positive one. I’m working on it every moment I’m with him. He doesn’t like it, no surprise. It’s completely exhausting and
unnerving. And it’s my work for
the next six months to a year.
So all my fun will come down a notch. Dating will be on a low simmer, if the
stove is on at all. Not a lot of
nights out with friends. Selfish
shellfish won’t get much playtime.
I’m trying to be okay with this.
Most moments I am. Though
when he’s screaming at me I can feel a little cornered, a little alone. When
his behavior is bad, all I want to do is run away. Now I must turn around and face it. There’s no way out but through.
Wish me luck.
I’m going to need it.
Though if there’s one thing I can do in this lifetime, putting my three
kids out in the world as whole people is it. Maybe once that’s done I can go back to being selfish. Selfish, selfish old lady.
